A Pun A Day
Alcoholic
I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
I say no to alcohol, but it just doesn’t listen.
When I drink alcohol, everyone says I am alcoholic.
When I drink fanta, no one says I am fantastic.
I drink wine because I don’t like to keep things bottled up.
I am not alcoholic. I am just an alcohol enthusiast
Enlightenment
I won’t think too much.
I will just think twice.
One day or day one? You decide.
When something goes wrong in your life, just yell ‘plot twist’ and move on lor
Always be a first rate version of yourself and not a second rate version of someone else
Falling Sick:
I think I must be the centre of attention since the world is spinning around me.
Woke up feeling like I got slammed by a truck.
The sickness is real.
Falling ill makes me really there’s so many things I am handing per day that I can’t get about doing it now
First World Problem
I have done charity in life.
I contribute to grab drivers’ livelihoods.
I accidentally went to bed with my contact lenses. My dreams have never been clearer.
The thig abt having fat fingers is ta you kep pressig the wrong futtons
I’m emotionally constipated. I haven’t given a shit in days.
I solemnly swear that I abandon my diet to be a desserter.
If my past, present and future met, it would be tense.
In a complicated relationship with wifi because we have a on-off connection
Wanted to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
Joining the ranks of newly-weds this month, I just got a proposal from myself.
With a calendar, my days are numbered.
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
I will be available for whatever you need me to do from the couch.
Guilty of staring at frozen juices because they say “concentrate”
It takes me one hour to edit;
It takes you one second to repost.
Human Issues
The world is too small to make enemies.
We should learn from the trees.
Be forgiving; “Let It Go” during fall and “turn over a new leaf” during spring
Falling out with someone means there’s ten thousand things you ain’t gonna do when the person’s there.
If you are going to be two faced at least make one of them pretty la.
Not saying I hate you la, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone lor
Friends are like boobs. Some big, some small. Some real, some fake.
You should try eating some makeup to be prettier on the inside.
I’d like to help you out.
Which way did you come in?
Insomnia:
A healthy sleep not only makes you live longer, but also shortens the workday. Good night.
It takes a lot of deadication to become a zombie every night.
Love
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
When you say ‘I love you’, you are making a promise with someone else’s heart. Pls try to honour it.
Pessimism
Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
I’m great at multitasking.
I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
The only dates I get are on the calendar.
Sometimes we expect more from others because we are willing to do that much more for them.
I just let my mind wander, and it didn’t come back.
Riddles
How do the oceans and seas become friends? Because they keep waving at each other.
How about longkang and drain? Both of them used to be dragon.
How about the lift and elevator? They probably met up.
We used to be kid and children. We totally grew up.
What did one eye say to the other eye? Between you and me, something smells…
Weather
The weather is such that… every time I think about ice, water pours out of my ears.
Work
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and stare at it for hours.
A work week is so rough that after Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.
I get lots of exercise: jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck & dodging deadlines.
Time is hard.
My card kept facing ‘insufficient funds’ during checkout
I couldn’t work today because of an eye problem.
I just can’t see myself working today.
I am in a complicated relationship with morning
Fri-nally I made it this week.
Why I work is because I have always been very passionate about not starving to death.
